this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
