I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
