Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
