You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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