Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
