Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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