I wish life had little blips of pornography
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
