Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
