Can Purell be used as lube?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
