Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize