You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
