i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
