He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
