i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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