i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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