you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
