Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
