Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
