And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
