just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
