Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
