Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
