I just pynch a tree in the face
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
