: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
