you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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