i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
