For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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