Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
