what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
then he tried to convert me to islam
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
