Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She is in my trunk
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
There's even glitter on my cock...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
