And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
