Dual....:-)
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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