You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
