I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
