Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
