You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
