Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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