I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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