my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
