the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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