is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
