So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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