Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
