he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
