listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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