tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have surprise drugs for everyone
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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