I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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