No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
