Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
