Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize