After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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