every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
