Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
