i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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