thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Randomize
