pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
