it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
