I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
