I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
