She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
