I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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