At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
