On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm like, not good at living.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
