Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
