i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize