In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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