she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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