i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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