how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
