No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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