naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
