It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
