I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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