hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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